Ron Weasley and his Deperate Attempts
by Ngiammy
Summary: Ron Weasley is the last person you'd expect to be a wannabe casanova. Unfortunately, that's just what he has in mind. And it comes up with unexpected results…
1. Chapter 1: Ron's Dream

**Summary: Ron Weasley is the last person you'd expect to be a wannabe casanova. Unfortunately, that's just what he has in mind. And it comes up with unexpected results…**

Ron Weasley woke up startled. He scrunched up his face, and thought…

"Did I just dream about…about Hermione Granger? Is that even possible? YIEW…Oh my God, that's gross. I probably ate too much Cockroach Clusters last night…Hermione!?!...Yuck…."

Ron climbed out very confused. He just had the weirdest dream of his teenage life.

"A dream about a bushy-haired girl and a know-it-all voice?!?! Maybe, it wasn't of Hermione, but of…Who else has messed up hair and a nagging voice?!?! Maybe breakfast will get my mind off this."

Ron ran down to the Great Hall and sat himself next to Harry on the Gryffindor Table. He was very proud to be the Boy who Lived, Harry Potter's best friend. It gave him a very high status among the Gryffindors. Usually, he would speak with his friends but today, he just sat quietly before diving into food and stuffing himself silly.

"Like the food A LOT, Ron?"

"Bla, blear, blargh, blar, blargh, blar, barl," spitted Ron.

"Sorry, I didn't catch that…"

"Yer, it's very nice, Hermione."

"That's great! Did you get that history essay done?"

Ron looked up at Hermione's glowing face and her incredibly bushy hair.

"Oh no…"

"Don't worry, you can have my draft one. It's completely different from my real one, so you have no need to worry.

"A draft on a 3 roll of parchment essay?!?!"

"Yep, here you go!" said Hermione, glowing radiantly and beaming.

Ron looked at her as if she was his saviour. Actually, she was her saviour. And at that moment, Ron felt something he had never felt before. As Hermione skipped away to the next class, a picture from his dream popped into his head. He shook his head and went back to his food.


	2. Chapter 2: An Intimate Moment

A/N: Hello, FanFiction Readers! I forgot to say that I'm being helped by Still-Fantasy and Incomparable on my quest to write a humourous but romantic book! Oh, by the way, I don't own these characters (which is a shame). Enjoy!

**Summary: Ron just had a funny dream, and then tries to become a Casanova and show his love to Hermione Granger. Being a Weasley, he does it in a very funny fashion…and unexpected situations…**

Ron stood up from the Gryffindor table. He had enough food for breakfast, and a certain girl was playing around in his mind.

"Where you going, Ron?" asked his best mate, Harry Potter.

"I'll be getting my books and then I'll go to History early…"

"Fine, I'll catch you up later."

"Ok…"

Ron walked away with Hermione's history essay draft, and thoughtabout what he had felt. He kept thinking, "Was it just over-happiness?" He picked up his books and walked to the History class, when…

"Ouch!"

"Sorry Hermione. I wasn't looking at where I was going."

Ron had bumped into Hermione, who looked like she had just rushed from the library. They had both knocked each other's books out of their hands.

"No, it's my fault. Here's your History Book."

"Here's your essay."

"Thanks…" said a flustered Hermione.

"No problem….," muttered a beetroot red Ron.

And with that, they both reached for the same book, and Hermione and Ron touched hands. It gave Ron a certain feeling of arousal. Ron felt Hermione's smooth skin and gazed into her eyes…Hermione couldn't help giving a little smile. And someone walked in on them…

"Whoa…What are you guys doing?" said a smiling Harry.

"Nothing…" muttered Ron, ears glowing red.

"I was just rushing from the library…" said Hermione, looking down at the ground and blushing red.

"Whatever, we have a history class to attend," said a laughing Harry.

Hermione hurried ahead, to make sure she wasn't late, while Ron and Harry started to dawdle to the ever-boring History class.

"What was that all about?" thought all of them, secretly in their heads.

Ron couldn't help but a bit shocked. Had he just had an intimate moment with Hermione?

And so, Professor Binns let them through to the classroom and asked for the homework. Ron gave in Hermione's draft and for the rest of the lesson, laid his head on his desk and dreamt…

A/N: And that's the end of Chapter 2!!! I hoped you thoroughly enjoyed it and look forward to my next chapter!!! And don't be afraid to write a review. I'll be most grateful!


	3. Chapter 3: Feelings and Thoughts

**A/N: Hey! Congrats on making it to chapter 3! If you like what you've read, review and tell me about it! If you haven't, then review and tell me what you'd like to see more of!**

Hermione ran out of the History classroom, so she could quickly avoid Ron. Although, she didn't spend the whole lesson dreaming like Ron, as she was busily staying alert and copying all of Professor Binns' notes correctly. She decided that she had to find a place where she could sort out her thoughts in peace. She ended up in front of the library…

"The place with the most answers…and hopefully the ones to my questions as well."

Hermione found a comfortable chair and sat down. She leaned back and stared at the ceiling.

"Did I really feel that way when we had that intimate moment? Did Ron feel that connection as well? Am I attracted to Ron? Am I attractive to Ron?" she asked herself in vain…

There were some questions that people, even Hermione, couldn't answer. But they tried nonetheless. Hermione was one of these people, trying to find an answer to the questions relating to the intimate moment. In the end, she decided to ignore it.

Ron, however, thought it was necessary to find out how he felt in his heart. He hadn't been the best at showing his emotions but this time he knew it was different. He walked around, and ended up in front of the Gryffindor Common Room. He found a snug chair and laid back, pondering his thoughts about Hermione.

"Do I like Hermione as a friend or as someone more than a friend? How would Hermione react if I told her I had feelings for her? How would everyone else react?"

Ron fell so deeply into thought that he snoozed into a dream. And in that dream was Hermione. That intimate moment revolved around his head, the feeling he got when they touched hands, the look Hermione had, her beautiful eyes….

Ron jolted up out of his chair.

"You alright, Ron? You fell asleep…and it's almost time for Transfiguration…C'mon, we'll be late…McGonagall….RON!!! WAKE UP!!!"

"Huh? What? What's the time…OH, HELL"

All thoughts of Hermione had gone straight out of his head…for now….


	4. Chapter 4: Oh No, Ron's Question

**A/N: Hello, everybody! I thought that my first few chapters haven't been funny enough and therefore, this one will be a lame attempt at humour. Enjoy!!! Please, Review as well!**

It had been a week, after Ron and Hermione's intimate moment. Both of them had each other on their minds, and often distracted them from what they were doing. However, Ron spent more of his time thinking about Hermione, and he decided to try to find out if Hermione like him or not…

"I wonder what can find out Hermione's thoughts for me…Maybe, there's a spell or a potion…Hmmmm…."

Ron looked through all of his books and found nothing. However, in his brother's Potions book, he discovered _Veritaserum, _a potion which made the drinker tell the truth. He skimmed through the page, scrawling down the ingredients, and ran to search for them. He found half the ingredients in his brother's potions stall and he was able to steal some from Snape's stall, through a bit of bribing…

At last, he got all the ingredients, losing 240 points from his house, but nevertheless he was proud of his effort. He put Percy's Potions book in his cauldron along with the other ingredients and moved to somewhere secret. He looked through the steps, and thought it was pretty easy…Unfortunately, it was 6th Grade level and Ron was dismally failing at Potions in his current year…

Meant to be a colourless and odourless liquid like water, Ron's turned out to be brown sludge that smelt horrible…Ron thought he had succeeded and was praising himself. He put some in a vial, ready to put 3 drops into Hermione's drink…of Ron's Super Healthy Nutritional Shake!!!

"Hi, Hermione can you try this drink I made???"

"What kind of drink is it???"

"…A healthy, nutritional drink!"

"OK, I've been looking for some extra energy to help with studying…"

Hermione took a drink, stuck her tongue out in disgust, before vomiting in a nearby bin.

"Yuck, Ron that tasted horrible…" Hermione said with incredible disgust.

"How do you feel?"

"Sick…"

Ron thought being sick was a side-effect of the truth potion and thought the _Veritaserum _was working. He decided to ask the question that was plaguing his mind…

"Are you in love with me…?"

Hermione paused for a moment…And then decided to run to the sick bay for help…

Ron thought to himself…

"Oh well, the _Veritaserum_ must've been too strong for her…"

And Ron walked away with his hands in his pockets… Trying to come up with another way to find out if Hermione liked him…


	5. Chapter 5: Ron's 2nd Attempt

After Ron's _Vertiaserum_, Hermione had stayed in the hospital wing for 2 weeks, with a bad stomachache and constant vomiting…but Ron decided not to give up, and tried to think of another way to get Hermione to admit she loved him…

Ron decided magic was not the way to do it, especially after his last failed attempt. So, he turned to Muggle ways…He went to the library and decided to look for something that the Muggles often asked questions to…and it always answered back. He decided that involving Hermione wasn't the best way to do it…and he stumbled on something…

"Hmm…What do we have here…A magic 8-ball? Sounds interesting…"

Ron hurried away, in search of a magic Muggle 8-ball…And he wound up with one 20 minutes later, (these kind of things happen in the magical world, anyways, on with the story!), but he had no idea about it.

He found a little hole in which he could make out a triangle in some blue liquid but he got confused.

"Magic-8 Ball…Does Hermione love me…?"

He stared at the hole…and after 15 minutes, he concluded that nothing happened.

"What's meant to happen? Am I meant to hear a voice or something?"

He asked the same question over and over…and after 2 hours, he still hadn't figured it out. Ron felt frustrated and scratched his head for the 15th time…

"WHY WON'T THIS WORK!?!?!" screamed Ron, banging the ball on the nearby table.

After the 20 minute tantrum, Harry, thankfully, came to help.

"Hohoho, that's a magic 8-ball!"

"You know these things, Harry?"

"Yeah, of course I do. You are meant to shake it!"

"Shake it! Why didn't I think of that before! Geez, talking to it, screaming at it, kicking it, bouncing it, playing pool with it and all the other things I did didn't work and yet all I had to do was shake it!"

Ron stared at the blue dot on the 8-ball and asked…

"Does Hermione love me?"

After a moment of vigorous shaking, the blue dot came up with "Try Again"

So, Ron repeated his actions, but shook much more energetically, due to the results he was getting. The 8-ball came up with "I'm Thinking'.

After a number of "Try Again", "I'm Thinking", "I Don't Know" and "I Still Don't Know", he stared at it and said, "OK…my arms are aching…Few more goes and I'm giving up…Does Hermione love me?"

The 8-ball must have had a mind of its own, when it concluded "Not Telling"

"Does Hermione love me?"

"Still Not Telling", showed the 8-ball.

"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE...!?!?!"

Ron kicked away the 8-ball with so much force, it went through a window, and plummeted to the grounds below…

"Stupid complicated magic 8-ball…Cheap Muggle products…Annoying…"

As Ron stalked away, little did he realise the 8-ball said…

"Yes"


	6. Chapter 6: Ron's Second Potion

The day after Ron kicked the magic 8-ball away, Ron had become frustrated. He couldn't find out whether Hermione liked him, using Magic or using a Muggle way. He'd spent almost 3 days trying to find out and he had given up all of his energy. But a sudden picture of Hermione would drift into his head, and give him back energy.

After another 5 minutes of dreaming about Hermione in a cozy chair, a sudden idea hit him.

"I don't have to worry about Hermione loving me or not. All I have to do is make a love potion, so it wouldn't matter if she doesn't love me or she really does, the end result would mean she's in love with me. Hmmm…Valentine's Day is coming close…Perfect, a box of chocolates with love potion all over them…Absolutely Perfect…"

Ron couldn't believe his stroke of genius. His smile broadened across his face. His eyes lit up, and he let out a chortle of laughter. This time, it might actually work!

Ron started with a strutting walk, which broke into a power walk, which then turned into an all out sprint. Ron was so excited! He charged to the library and when he turns the corner…

"Ron!" Hermione dived out of all immediate danger, leaving all of her books behind…

"Whoa!" cried Ron as he tried to dodge Hermione. He hurtled and tripped over Hermione's stack of books, sending him head-first into the nearby bookshelf. Unfortunately, the shelf wasn't stable and the shelf fell straight on top of him, along with all the heavy dictionaries and encyclopedias…

Standing up, Ron felt very woozy and tried standing up, but kept swaying and falling down to the ground. He had many lumps on his head and his eyes were rolling in their sockets like a slot machine.

Hermione got up. She picked up her books and then the torn pieces of homework, she had spent the afternoon on. Wincing at the sight, she turned to Ron, who was finally getting his balance, and said…

"Ron, you are a crazy maniac! Running into a library, this is meant for peace and quiet!

Don't you have any respect?" She picked up the closest book, and with all her might, threw a well-aimed book at Ron.

Ron came to his senses, but unfortunately not quick enough and he was sent sprawling into mid-air once again. He landed on the pile on the fallen shelf, the thrown book on his face.

"Humph! That will teach you!" Hermione said as she stalked away, with obvious anger.

Ron looked up dazed. He took the book off his face and stood up. He threw the book on to the ground, when he discovered…

"The Lovely Book of Love Potions!?!?! This might be the book I am looking for! Wow, this isn't just a coincidence…It must have been fate, when Hermione threw this book, which hit me squarely in the face…"

Ron looked around blissfully, and staggered his way towards the Gryffindor Common Room, hugging the book like a baby.

Hermione was waiting in the Common Room for him. She was sorry for hurting Ron, but very angry. She had to redo the homework and the distraction stopped her from finishing.

"Why is Ron ruining my grades? First, he poisons me with a "nutritious drink", and now he tears my homework to shreds! Am I missing something?" muttered Hermione, under her breath.

Ron, at last, reached the common room, saw Hermione and immediately, ran off to the Boy's Dormitories. And that was lucky, because Hermione had the Wizarding Encyclopedia book in her hands.

Ron decided to make a simple one, after failing to make _Veritaserum. _He found what looked simple.

"Hmm…rat's tail, rose petals, eye of newt and finally a feather from an owl…Seems easy enough!"

Getting the ingredients was easy enough for Ron, but making the potion was not. A dismal failure at Potions, Ron was careful.

"Stir clockwise 3 times…1…2…3! Now add the eye of newt…There goes the eye of newt..."

Ron got the potion made, except instead of leaving it to settle, he left it on the boil…Making a bad mistake…

However, Ron was oblivious to his mistake. He found a very nice-looking box of chocolates and a very beautiful card. He thought this plan was going to be a success! He poured the love potion all over the chocolates and slept beside them, ready for tomorrow, Valentine's Day.

On Valentine's Day, Ron ran straight to Hermione, with the box of chocolates.

"Oh my, this is wonderful! Oh boy, these chocolates look nice!"

"Why don't you eat one?"

"Sure"

Hermione took a bite out of one, with Ron staring at her expectantly. A shiver went up her spine. She shivered and then felt something different.

"ARGH!" screamed Ron.

"What's wrong?"

"Hermione, you do not want to see anyone else today…"

"Why?"

"Um…er…um…ah…."

"TELL ME!"

"You have facial hair…a lot of it…in fact; you have a beard and a moustache."

Hermione felt her face, and then stroked her beard…

Ron ran away, before…

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Ron was depressed again, after another failure. But being in Gryffindor, he mustered up more courage and decided to try something else…Unfortunately, for Hermione…

**A/N: If you liked my story so far, please review! If you haven't, please give me some ideas or CONSTRUCTIVE criticism by reviewing! Thanks! Hope you enjoyed my first 6 chapters!?! Oh, and I intend to write a lot more chapters about Ron's mishps…**


	7. Chapter 7: Kiss or Katastrophe

It was the day after Ron had poisoned Hermione and caused her to grow a beard and a moustache. Hermione had recovered quickly, as in the magical world, illnesses were easily cured. Ron had stayed at her bedside, giving her the homework she desperately ached for and creating idle conversation between them.

"Why do you always try to make me fall in love with you? Do you have a crush on me?"

Hermione giggled at the thought. Ron blushed, realizing Hermione had put together the pieces…

Hermione stared at Ron's glowing red face.

"You can not be serious…"

Ron looked as if he was going to explode. In the end, he managed to stutter,

"Would…you…um…like…to….like…go…on a…like…date?"

Hermione looked as if she was going to cry.

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Under a tree, next to the Great Lake, Ron and Hermione cuddled next to each other. It was clear, blue sky that they were staring up at, and the two gazed blissfully into each other's eyes. Ron had set up a picnic just for the two of them, and it looked wonderful.

"Since when did you start liking me?"

"Do you remember when you gave me your draft history essay?"

"Yes, but did you fall in love with me just like that?"

"Of course not, there are much more other things…" Ron remembered the strange dream he had of her.

They continued to have mindless conversation, covering many topics such as how Snape could get a life and the amazing feats Harry had done in their presence. They stopped and looked out. The two became so entrapped in each other's company that they hadn't realized nightfall had come. Hermione propelled flames into jars and they lit the area like fireflies. The stars shone above them brightly and it provided the perfect scene for a kiss.

Hermione felt lazy, and so she said "Ron, do you mind whipping up a glass of water?"

"Sure, no problem…_Aguamenti!"_

But, like most of the things Ron did, something went wrong. Once Ron had raised his wand, there was a large explosion of green smog. It smelt putrid, and so Hermione ran out for some air. Ron had turned himself into a toad. It was standing on two legs with its webbed hand raised in the air.

Hermione rushed back under the tree, but found Ron to be gone!

"Where are you, Ron?"

Ron, bewildered at the sudden backfire, started jumping around.

"Ron, this isn't funny!"

Ron croaked and croaked as loud as he could.

"C'mon, Ron!"

Hermione was deaf to Ron's cry of help.

"Oh! Look at the time! I have to hurry back to the library and catch up on all the study I've missed!"

Hermione hurtled away, frantically shaking her head and muttering to herself. Ron was on the ground, left unnoticed and abandoned. A tear welled in Ron's bulging eye…He began the long journey back to the common room, maybe he'd get noticed there.


End file.
